Explosion of the Tongue

    

     Some days life seems to be going pretty well and there is joy abounding all around. However, underneath there is a monotonous ticking that starts off as a faint annoying click in the background, barely recognizable; I know it's there though; I feel it there, just waiting for the right moment to implode. There's a chance that all sense of emotional control may be lost at some point throughout the day. Ignoring the ticking, I go about my day with grandiose feelings of hope and encouragement.

    Everything is going good, the day is progressing with joy and happiness springing up from all around until in a split instance, something triggers a memory. I hear the ticking from earlier grow louder; I physically start to tense up and become irritated. Yet, it's not enough to set off an explosion. However, it's just enough to make me agitated and start to feel unstable. Negative thoughts start to creep into my mind. Delight and radiance which was accentuating the day is now transitory.

    As I advance deeper into the day, more negativity from the world around me begins to weigh heavy on my soul; negative words from people, complaining, unfulfilled promises, trust broken, etc. and the ticking becomes louder than before. How much more negativity until there is an explosion of pent up frustration? I feel extremely rattled now and I have lost sight of joy and in a split second...... 

BOOM!!!
Rage is released! Fear, anger, bitterness, and hurt is unleashed through hateful words that I wish I had never said. There is no going back; what has been said, has been said.

     "Among all parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!" - James 3:6-10

    Spot on! It is NOT right! This is why I feel so guilty and shameful after a verbal explosion. Now all I can do is pray for forgiveness from my Heavenly Father and ask for forgiveness from those whom I have attacked or wounded with my words. I cannot take back what I have said. However, showing true Godly sorrow for my words is the first step of repentance in my heart.

   "For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There's no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death." - 2 Corinthians 7:10

    All of those times I have unleashed hurtful and harmful words on others, I have always deeply felt regret and desolate. However, I know God is working on me. He is correcting the wrong that I have said and done in the past. He is relentlessly moving in my heart, making me a better person in all I say and do. 

    "His ways are greater than my ways. His thoughts are greater than mine." - Isaiah 55:9 

    The explosion is over, and it was not as bad as it could have been. This time, instead of lashing out with my words, I held my tongue and cried for a few moments. This time I prayed for peace and calmness to settle my troubled heart.

I hear Jesus' beautiful voice say to me, 
"Do not let your be heart troubled. Trust God, and trust also in me."     - John 14:1  
Calmness and peace now come over me, the ticking has stopped, and joy returns to my day.